Rapes, Redheads, and Reindeer.......OH MY!
by Sandpiper
Summary: Pardoy of all those fics where Mulder and Scully investigate a guy who rapes and/or murders only redheads. (rated R for dark humor)


Redheads, Rapes, and Reindeer....Oh My!!!!

Redheads, Rapes, and Reindeer....Oh My!!!!

Annapolis, Maryland  
10:57 PM, Sunday

Nelle Roscoe, slid across the kitchen floor on her sock clad feet, to the counter where the bowl of cookie dough rested. She screeched along with the music as she danced, and stirred the bowl. The phone rang, she picked it up "Hello?"  
"Hey it's me" she recognized the voice of her husband  
"Where the hell are you?! It's almost 11 o'clock!" she demanded  
"I'm at the emergency room, I got run over by......a reindeer" he said  
"For christ sake Luke I know you can be more creative than that! Just get your ass home so I can kick it!" she yelled, then hung up the phone.  
Luke looked at the dead phone in his hand. He sighed and put it back on the receiver, he didn't really expect Nelle to believe him. He'd need to do some major sucking up to get out of the dog house this time, but he could do that................his only problem would be explaining the hoof print on his forehead.  
Nelle put the last tray a cookies in the oven the stomped out of the kitchen. She was furious! Some of that was her redhead's temper, but she was sick of Luke's lame excuses! Run over by a reindeer! How stupid did he think she was?! She shook her head, and sat down on the couch, and of course then there was a nock on the door. She got up and answered it, it was Luke.   
"So you finally decided to grace me with your presence?" she said "It's your house too you can let yourself in!" Luke said nothing just simply came in the door "So I'm gonna ask you this one question, where were you tonight?! And don't give me some excuse!" she yelled and waited, he said nothing. She turned away and stomped up the stairs. Halfway up she heard his foot steps behind her, she whirled around to yell some more. She gasped at what she saw "no, no, please!" she screamed as a hand clamped down on her throat. 

J. Edgar Hoover building  
Mulder and Scully's office  
9:34 AM, Monday

"Nelle Roscoe, age 28, raped and murdered in her home," Scully read out loud from the file.  
"Yes, her husband found her a couple hours after the time of death" Mulder explained.  
"Uh hu...." Scully said, "Mulder how is this an X-File? It's just a standard rape-homicide"  
"It would seem that way, but guess what happened to her husband, Luke, before his wife's murder?" Mulder said, his eyes glowing with excitment.  
"No idea," Scully said  
"He got run over by a reindeer," he answered, barely able to keep a strait face. Scully just stared at him for a minute, "Seriously there are still hoof prints on his forehead"  
"And incriminating clause marks on his back?" Scully asked, then giggled and began singing "Grandma got run over my a reindeer. Walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa we believe!"  
"Well I don't know about Grandpa, but Luke Roscoe certainly believes it," Mulder said.  
"So I take it we're going to Annapolis?" Scully asked, Mulder just smiled and handed her, her coat.  
"Hey Scully, you know any show tunes?" he asked as they walked out the door.

Motel 6, Mulder's room  
Annapolis, Maryland  
8:30 PM, Monday

After interviewing Luke Roscoe, looking over the crime scene, reading the police report and performing an autopsy on Nelle Roscoe's body. Mulder and Scully checked into a hotel to the night.   
Mulder asked as he sat down on the bed, "So did you find anything in the autopsy?"  
"No" Scully answered  
"Well I found something while you were slicing and dicing," Mulder said and pulled out three think envelopes. "About four years ago there were three women raped and murdered."  
"So you think these murders are connected to Nelle Roscoe's?" Scully asked  
"Yes, you see all of the women were redheads.....just like Nelle Roscoe" Mulder said  
"Mulder just because Nelle Roscoe had red hair doesn't mean this murder is connected to those other three" Scully said  
"Yeah well one of the three victim's fiancé was attacked my some kind of animal the night of her murder, he never was able to identify what kind but there is this photo of his injury," Mulder said, and handed her a photo of a hoof print on a man's chest, "doesn't that look like the hoof print on Luke Roscoe's head?"  
"Yes, okay so you think there's a man out there who rapes and murders only women with red hair, and in order to get them alone the plays reindeer hit and run, on their husbands or boyfriends or whatever, and some how he gets all these women to let him in their homes?" Scully said  
"Well when you say it, it sound ridiculous!" Mulder said,  
Scully sighed, "It is ridiculous, it's even more ridiculous then that werewolf case we were on last week!"  
"I never once called it a werewolf!" Mulder said  
"Regardless, this is ludicrous! Frankly I'm trying not to get offended." Scully yelled. "I mean besides where would this person get the reindeer?"  
"Maybe it has something to with the hair color of his victims there's lots of mythology about redheads. In some cultures having red hair is said to mean the person in a vampire. And there's even a myth that if a baby has red hair it means they were conceived with a pig under the bed." Mulder continued babbling on.  
Scully stood up, "Mulder there is nothing that determines the color of someone's hair other than genetics! I have red hair because my father had red hair, not because there was a pig under the bed the night I was conceived!"   
"I'm not saying the pig theory is true. I'm just giving you some interesting little facts" He said innocently.  
"Well stop!" Scully said, then sat back down, "okay, so you think what? That this guy creates a reindeer by thinking about raping a redhead?"  
"Hey it could happen," he said, Scully just rolled her eyes, "well anyway, you want some dinner? I'll go bring us back something."  
"Yeah I'd like a 12 oz T-bone with mushroom gravy, pearl onions with cream sauce, and a baked potato with everything." Scully said  
He looked at her like she'd grown a second head, "Scully you can't eat that!"  
"Why the hell not?!" she demanded  
"Because this is fanfiction! Your only allowed to eat salads!" he said  
"UGH!" Scully groaned, "oh come on! I'm a grown woman and five year olds get to eat more than me! I'm gonna shrivel up like a super model!"  
"Yeah well you think I don't get tired of burgers and Chinese food all the time?!" he said  
"Oh Chinese food! I love Chinese food! Can't I have some just this once!?" she cried.  
"Sorry, it's the rules of fanfiction" Mulder said, and walked out the door.

Diner somewhere in Annapolis  
8:45 PM, Monday

Mulder parked the car and got out. As he was walking toward the diner, he heard a soft sound.   
*clip, clop, clip, clop*  
It got louder, and louder but he couldn't see anything  
*clip, clop, clip, clop*  
he turned just in time to see a flash of antlers, before being knocked unconscious.

Motel 6, Mulder's room  
11:21 PM, Monday

"Hey Mulder," Scully greeted her partner as he walked in the door, "what took you so long? and where's the food?"  
"The what, what?" Mulder asked  
"The food! You were going to get us dinner!" Scully said.  
"Have no idea what your talking about! Because I'm not Mulder, I'm the killer, and I'm gonna rape and murder you because your a redhead! HAHAHAH!!!" the killer yelled.  
"Ahhhh!!!!!!!" Scully screamed, Mulder heard her scream from the back of the killer's car, where he was stashed after being knocked out by the reindeer.  
He jumped up and burst into the room, "I'll save you Scully! No....wait....I won't I dropped my gun because I was trying to hold this jelly doughnut and coffee and shot at the same time. Hey it would be cool if I could do that.......maybe I should practice and get to where I can do that without dropping my gun. Why do I have a jelly doughnut and coffee anyway?"  
"MULDER!!!!" Scully shouted  
"Oh right!!!!! Crazy man trying to hurt Scully!" Mulder said, he tacked the killer, and Scully quickly scrambled away and slapped her hand cuffs on him.  
"Oh poopie!" the killer pouted.  
"My god Mulder he looks just like you!" Scully said  
"Yeah I bet that's how he gets all those women the let him in their houses, he can morph to look like anyone! This is amazing!" Mulder began yelling, "this is-"  
"Uh....Mulder," Scully interrupted, and pulled the mask off the killer.  
"Oh....but you did create the reindeer, by some spiritual connection your lust for redheads right?" Mulder asked  
"No you dip shit he's in the trailer behind my car! His name is Mr. Chewy, Wooie Poopise, Woopsie, Rainy, Reindeer!" the killer said  
"Oh," Mulder said dejected.

20 Minutes Later  
The Cops are Taking Away the Killer

"You okay Scully?" Mulder asked, feeling deeply concerned for his partner.  
"I'm fine Mulder, your the one with the hoof print of your forehead!" Scully teased  
"Yeah," Mulder said and rubbed his head.  
"I'm sorry this wasn't an X-File," Scully said, feeling sorry for Mulder's disappointment  
"Ehh, it's okay, we caugh a criminal either way," Mulder said  
Scully smiled, "Yeah......we make a great team"  
"Yeah we do," Mulder agreed, and they walked off to the car hand in hand.

The Patrol Car With The Killer In It  
Some Road in Maryland  
5 Minutes later

The killer leaned toward the cop driving the car, "So are there lots of redheads in prison?" he asked.

The End


End file.
